Podcast Link:
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SELF-ACCEPTANCE
“Acceptance
of oneself is …the acid test of one’s whole outlook on life.” C.G. Jung
Hello,
this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha
centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.
This weekend
we shall focus on Self-Acceptance which is a foundational requisite for
emotional health and happiness.
Self-acceptance,
as the great psychologist Carl Jung points out, is not only an essential
requisite for emotional wellbeing, but also influences our way of being in the
world. In his own words: “Acceptance of oneself is …the acid test of one’s whole outlook on life.”
However,
many of us find self-acceptance a big challenge. This was the case with Anjana.
Let us listen to what she says about herself.
“I
don’t like myself. Actually, I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate the person I
have become. I get angry so often. I shout and scream at people. I am not very
successful in much of what I do and get blamed so often.” She seems angry and
disgusted with herself.
It’s
hard to accept oneself, and more so to love oneself, when we are confronted
with so many of our frailties and weakness. Yet, if we want to be emotionally healthy persons, we need to accept the
whole of ourselves without rejecting any aspect of our being: body, gender,
sex, mind, limitations and weakness, strengths and talents, and our personal
and family histories.
Self-acceptance is based on genuine knowledge of self,
grounded in realistic appraisal of our resources and limitations. This knowledge
comes also from what others are saying about us.
When we accept ourselves, we have genuine appreciation
for our own worth, and we do not engage in irrational self-reproach. We are
happy with who we are, and do not feel the need to boast of our accomplishments
or to inflate them.
Manifestations of Self-Rejection
Self-rejection, on the contrary, shows itself in the following
unhealthy forms of behaviour: chronic self-disapproval and self-disparagement;
feelings of being unworthy; excessive guilt; pretending to be who/what we are
not, going out of the way to boast or impress others; feeling others are
against us, view us unfairly, or don’t understand us.
When we do not feel good about ourselves, when we lack
self-esteem, we may try to over-control our environment. We become overcautious
about making mistakes. We feel the need to do everything right and perfect.
This can lead to Obsessive Compulsive
Personality Disorder.
Lack of self-acceptance often results in scrupulosity. Because of
the fear of rejection by others and especially by God, we tend to become
perfect by striving to avoid even the least wrong doing. Since we reject
ourselves because of our short comings, we tend to believe that others and God
also will reject us if we are not “perfect.” Perfectionism
deafens us to the good news that a loving God unconditionally accepts and loves
us just as we are, that we don’t need to earn God’s love.
Challenging Situations
Self-acceptance
becomes a challenge especially for women in the context of the relentless media
pressure to conform to perfect body shape and appearance
offered as ideal. These images tend to
confirm self-doubts about goodness of one’s own body leading to a feeling of
not being “good enough” and frenetic efforts to change one’s body shape and
appearance to match the ideal. When one fails in the attempt one tends to live
with a sense of deficiency. It is good to remember here that attractiveness and
acceptance depend on more than just physical appearance.
Some
of us have deformities or blemishes that affect our self-image and our capacity
to function effectively or relate well. Remedial measures such as corrective
surgery here is wholesome. However, often expensive cosmetic and surgical
interventions are purely to allay our feelings of inadequacy and fears of non-acceptance
by others, or simply to conform to ideal images of beauty, even when we are
endowed with sufficient grace and beauty.
The
power of self-acceptance is demonstrated by the wonderful accomplishments of
physically challenged athletes and artists. These men and women have
disabilities that profoundly affect their mobility and other capacities. However, they are able to accept their
limitations and triumph over them and go on to win laurels.
Emotionally
healthy persons are able to accept themselves as they are, with their
deficiencies and their limitations. This acceptance is not resignation. One
accepts, but also strives to overcome the limitations wherever possible.
Introspection
- Am I able to accept myself, with
my frailties and limitations, or am I like Anjana, rejecting and despising
myself?
- What is my challenge in regard
to self-acceptance?
******
In Psalm 139 we read: “For it was you who created by being, knit me together in in my mother’s womb. I thank you for the wonder of my being, for the wonders of all your creation. (13-14).
We
could stay with these words of the Psalmist, paying attention to the thoughts,
images and feelings these evoke in us. We could then spend a few moments talking
to God about whatever is arising within us. Allow God to lead us into recognising
and loving the wonder of our being.
Have
a pleasant weekend, where in you can recognize your beauty and goodness, and
accept and love yourself the way God accepts and loves you.
Be
well. Be safe. Be blessed.
Jose
Parappully PhD
Email:
sumedhacentre@gmail.com
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