SUMEDHA OUTREACH: WORKSHOP FOR HYDERABAD SALESIANS

Dr Jose Parappully, Director of Sumedha Centre, Jharmari, Punjab, was invited to do a Workshop on Growing Toward Psychosexual and Celibate Integration.

The works are in three batches. The first Workshop was from 6 to 8 August 2025.  There were 26 participants.

The second was held on 1-3 December 2025. There were 28 participants. The third workshop is scheduled for 3-5 February 2026.

The content of these interactive Workshops included: Requisites for Psychosexual and Celibate Integration; Sexual Re-Awakening at Midlife; Understanding Sex, Sexuality and intimacy; Problematic Sexual Behaviours (Sexual Boundary Violations, Online Pornography); Celibacy and Chastity; Friendship as a Pathway Toward rowing in Psychosexual and Celibate Maturity. The process included Input, Introspection and Interaction in micro and macro groups. The presentations were enriched with the use of Media (Music and Videos.)

Participants in both the completed Workshops were immensely satisfied with the Workshop, finding the contents extremely relevant and useful at this perio0d in their lives. Most parti9icipants were he 40’s.

First Workshop

In the first Workshop five participants gave a 10 out of 10 on usefulness of the workshop, seven gave and six gave an 8.

Some typical feedback comments from the First Workshop participants:

·         “These three days’ workshop helped me to be aware of my life and relationships and to make the necessary changes in my life.”

·         “It gave me a comprehensive idea of sexuality. Topics on Intimacy, Pornography, and the Purpose of Celibate Chastity were most useful for me.”

·         “It was a good opportunity to look back at my sexuality and the vow of chastity and come to terms with myself, my past and see the beautiful possibilities ahead that can emerge from now.”

·         “It has shaken and broadened my understanding of sex, sexuality and intimacy.”

·         “The topics on “Online Pornography” and “Celibate Friendships” were very enriching and beneficial.”

·         “The topics covered in this Workshop were all very useful and important to me. It has given me lot of knowledge about my psycho-sexual life and how to integrate it into my celibate life. The sessions and group discussions have given me lot of clarity about my boundaries.”

 

Second Workshop

Four of the participants of the second Workshop gave 10 out of 10 on Usefulness. Ten gave a 9; Nine gave an 8.

 

Some typical feedback observations:

·         “The workshop was refreshing, challenging. “

·         “I greatly appreciate the clear and thought provoking presentation.”

·         “The workshop has had a tremendous on my life.”

·         “The content was very good and informative. The process was comfortable, helpful for reflections and self-analysis.”

·         “The content on Online Pornography especially was very useful for me. The process or methodology was very useful to learn, to remember, to focus.”

·         “It gave me clarity about concepts like Intimacy, Celibacy, Chastity. It explained how one need to handle himself as a Celibate.”

·         The programme was well planned, made maximum use of available time. Most useful was Requisites and Helps for Mature Celibate Friendship.” The content offered in this 3-day workshop will be explored in greater details during the 12-Week Sumedha Sadhana Fe 07-May 01, 2026 at Sumedha Centre Jharmari. Registration is open. contact: sumedhacentre@gmail.com 

 

SUMEDHA/SPA WORKSHOP AT ERNAKULAM, KERALA “Immensely satisfying!”

The Salesian Psychological Association (SPA), South Asia organised a training Workshop at Ashir Bhavan, Ernakulam Kerala, from 15 to 19 November 2024. Ashir Bhavan is the Pastoral Centre of the Archdiocese of Verapoly

 

This Workshop titled “Growing Toward Psychosexual and Celibate Maturity” is part of the programmes related to the 25^th Anniversary of the SPA. Those responsible for the organisation were Dr. C. M. Joseph, current President of SPA and N. K. George, member of SPA.

 

The Workshop was inaugurated by the newly consecrated auxiliary bishop of the Archdiocese of Verapoly, Dr. Anthony Valumkal.

 

It was facilitated by Dr. Jose Parappully, currently Director of Sumedha Centre for Psychological and Spiritual Wellbeing at Jharmari, Punjab. Parappully was the founding Secretary of SPA for nine years and it’s President for six years.

 

The content of the Workshop Included: Understanding Sex, Sexuality and Intimacy; Chastity and Celibacy; Heterosexual Attachment Dynamics; Some contemporary Challenges—Pornography, Masturbation, Homosexuality and Sexual Abuse.

 

The methodology was process-oriented. There was ample time after the presentations for introspection and group sharing, both micro and macro.

There were 22 participants – 12 religious men and 10 religious women from different congregations and dioceses.

Participants expressed immense satisfaction with the Workshop, its rich content and helpful methodology. Thirteen of the 22 participants in their feedback gave a perfect 10 on a scale of 1-10 on Usefulness, one indicating “Very Little useful” and 10 “Immensely Useful.”

 

Some illustrative comments:

•  “This workshop is more of learning, understanding and also an eye-opener on very many topics at a very deep level. What was most helpful was sharing in groups.” M.
• “I could clarify many of my doubts about sexuality and celibacy.” F.
• “It was very practical, simple, easy to understand. Benefitted immensely from the sessions. I am extremely blessed and happy that I chose to attend it. Thanks for making it so interesting and scholarly.” M.

• “The facilitator explained these sensitive subjects in a unique manner.” F.
• “This workshop was useful for me: systematic and well-prepared sessions; new information with clarity; quite a few of my doubts are cleared.” M.
• “These were really eye-opening sessions for me. My perception of and attitude toward certain persons have changed in a meaningful way.” F.

• “I would say this workshop is a transition event in my priestly life, to love celibate chastity at a deeper level. All the sessions were useful to me personally as well as for my ministry of formation.” M.
• “The workshop was excellent. The way the facilitator explained things enriched me. It is very useful in my life” F.

• “Personally, I could clarify many of my wrong notions about sex, sexuality, genitality, sexual orientation, etc., and I learned the psychological way of dealing with those who need our guidance.” M.

• “This workshop helped to look deep into my personal life. I was able to go through my childhood, adolescence, teenage and adult life. It helped me to evaluate my religious and priestly life. I was able to understand my sexuality more and appreciate it. The values of my celibacy and developing healthy friendships became clearer to me. The Workshop also helped me to understand more those suffering from sexual difficulties, especially with regard to masturbation and homosexuality. In short I am very much enriched by this workshop. The most useful part of the Workshop was the Introspection and personal reflections after every topic. The group sharings were very enlightening. This Workshop should be offered to more groups of priests and religious.” M.

 

 All the participants were given a Certificate of Participation.

 

The Salesian Psychological Association is organising a three-day Training workshop for counsellors, psychologists and psychotherapists from January 14 to  16, 2020. It will be held at the Don Bosco Provincial House, Bangalore. 

Psyche & Soul - 10 WHO AM I REALLY?

Podcst link

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-10-Psyche--Soul---WHO-AM-I-REALLY-27-ej5ph9

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

Last weekend we explored the role of meaningfulness in living a healthy and happy life. This weekend we shall explore an important dimension of this meaningfulness. Our self-understanding of who we are.

 “Who am I really?” This is a question all of us ask sometime in our life. Some of us find an answer, others continue to keep asking the question.

 Emotionally healthy persons have some clear and convincing answers to the question “Who am I?”

 

In Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson’s developmental schema, identity formation is the crucial task to be accomplished during adolescence. But we can struggle with issues of identity all through life.

Personality psychologist Dan McAdams presented identity as an evolving story that integrates a reconstructed past, a perceived present, and an anticipated future into a coherent and vitalising life myth. Our personal life myth “is a special kind of story that each of us naturally constructs to bring together the different parts of ourselves and our lives into a purposeful and meaningful whole.” In other words, when we achieve identity we are able to bring together all of our past experiences, current realities and future goals and aspirations to create a picture of who we are and who we want to be.

 

Erikson described three significant ways in which identity formation can fail. These are identity foreclosure, identity confusion and negative identity.

 Foreclosed Identity

Identity foreclosure is a premature (without much reflection or soul-searching) resolution of the identity issue. We can slip easily into a role expected of us by family or community. We may not in any way identify with this role or find it meaningful. But the internalisation of the expectation of others, a process which is often unconscious, pushes us into identity foreclosure. A sense of dissatisfaction and lack of fulfilment, often with no knowledge of its source, is the result.

Negative Identity

A negative identity develops when we conform to an image of us that is contrary to family or cultural ideals but which is projected on to us by the same family or community. For example, the family may not approve the way we are living or of our life choices and label us as the “black sheep” of the family. In such a situation we may strive hard to prove the family right by living up to that negative label, adopting and engaging more and more in behaviours that are socially disapproved. Or, while in school, a teacher might ridicule us describing us as “good for nothing.” We might then adopt behaviours that fit the label and really turn out to be a good for nothing. We sabotage our own welfare and happiness and hurt ourselves by going out of our way to prove our detractors right.

Negative identity can develop also from idealisation of or identification with someone devalued by family or community but whom we idealise. For example, in our childhood or youth we may have idealised an uncle or an aunt whom we loved very much and wanted to be like. It happened that this beloved uncle or aunt was also an alcoholic. As we grow up we may also identify with our uncle’s or aunt’s alcoholism and ourselves become alcoholic.

Identity Confusion

Identity confusion occurs when we are unable to make up our minds as to who we are or who we want to be. We are unable to make a commitment to any single view of ourselves. This may be because we are caught up in conflicting values or lack the confidence to make meaningful and lasting decisions. Young religious who are unable to decide if they want to make their perpetual profession or not, provide a relevant example. They keep postponing a decision.

 

Achieved Identity

A healthy and positive resolution of the task of identity formation leads to identity achievement. The pathway to identity achievement is through role experimentation. Erikson termed this period of free experimentation of various roles and identities before a final identity is achieved psycho-social moratorium. Before we make a final choice of what we want to be, we need to look carefully at and even experiment with various options by living them out for a period—in fantasy or reality. We have to do some real soul-searching about who we want to be and what we want to do, and then make definitive choices.  

According to Erikson identity achievement moves us toward becoming and functioning as well-adjusted adults, with a fine balance of love and work—forming healthy relationships and engaging in meaningful and constructive activities. We become creative and productive, and contribute to the welfare of society.

 
Life-Long Process

Although Erikson postulated that identity formation is something that happens in adolescence, recent theory and research show that individuals engage in a lifelong process of identity formation. Thus even if we have had a strong sense of achieved identity for a considerable period of our lives, we can still shift back into identity confusion, often triggered by new and unexpected experiences or developments in our lives. Such falling back is a positive thing, because we can now do further soul-searching and re-confirm our identity or choose a new one and move toward a deeper level of identity achievement. For this to happen we have to recognise our deepest desires and longings and the dynamics operating behind our conscious selves. The question we asked last weekend, What do we really want? comes into play here too.

 Introspection

So, who are you really? … How do you see yourself?... How would you describe yourself to another?

 ….

“Who am I really?” is a question that Jesus struggled with all his life, from the beginning of his public life to its end on the Cross. The devil confronted him with that question in the desert. The devil tried to put doubts into his mind: Three times the devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God…”). Jesus had his own doubts.  Who was he really?  Was he just a man like any other? Or, was he truly the Son of God? During his public ministry he wanted some assurance and asked his disciples: “Who do people say I am?.... Who do you say that I am?”). His last temptation on the Cross was related to the same issue. The bystanders taunted him: “If you are the Son of God, come down from the Cross.….”

 

 This same Jesus who struggled with identity is with us and walks with us in our struggle? What would we like to tell him? You could visualize walking with him and holding a conversation with him.

 Have a pleasant weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed.

 Jose Parappully PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

BIS Psyche & Soul 3. Childhood Foundations of Healthy Relationships 2: Secure Attachments

BIS Psyche & Soul 3. Childhood Foundations of Healthy Relationships 2: Secure Attachments

The podcast of this post is available at:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-3-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-12-egs0te

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of “Psyche & Soul”

This weekend we shall explore another important foundation of healthy relationships– namely, Secure Attachments in childhood.

Let me begin by telling you about Mrs Miranda.

Mrs Jessie Miranda is very popular with the teachers and the girls of the college where she is Principal. Parents of students as well as others who interact with her like the way she treats them. She is also a very competent Principal, who has been able to raise the standard of the college considerably since she took over.

Her family finds her a very loving and sensitive wife and mother. Members of her parish have very good opinion of her. She is friendly and actively engaged in parish activities. Young women in the parish often seek her advice with their problems.

When asked what was the secret of her popularity she referred to the good time she had in her own family as a child. She felt her parents really cared for her. Whenever she experienced some distress or was in some need they responded with care and sensitivity.

This kind of sensitive responsiveness on the part of her parents helped the young Jessie to develop self-esteem and self-confidence which helped her to relate to others in a friendly way. She was able to internalize the sensitive responsiveness of her parents toward her and manifest the same to others. Naturally, she grew up to be a very likable and helpful person.

Jessie’s profile fits that of a child, and later the adult, who experiences what psychologists today agree is a necessary foundation for healthy relationships– namely, secure attachment in childhood. There is a whole school of psychology built on this conviction. It is known as Attachment theory and is one of the cutting edge contemporary psychological theories.

Unlike many other theories in psychology, Attachment theory is based on thousands of hours of direct observation of parent-child interactions, both in the real world and in the laboratory. It is widely regarded as probably the best research-supported theory of emotional development yet available.

Attachment theory underlines the powerful influence parents, particularly the mother, have on the emotional development of children, especially on the development of self-trust and trust of others, so necessary for healthy interpersonal relationships.

Attachment theory presents four types of attachment styles. Secure attachment, two kinds of insecure attachments – ambivalent and avoidant, and a disorganized attachment style.

In the pattern of secure attachment, as exemplified in the case of Jessie, the child is confident that its parent (or parent figure) will be available, responsive, and helpful when it seeks protection or comfort, or encounters adverse or frightening situations. With this assurance, it feels bold to explore the world. It is such “exploration from a secure base,” as it is called, that leads to development of a sense of competence and self-confidence in the child that enables the child and later the adult to relate in healthy ways to those in its surroundings.

As children we seek some adult to whom to attach ourselves. The more sensitive and responsive this adult is to our needs, the deeper and more secure our attachment and greater the likelihood that we will develop healthy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

……

Here we can recall the experience of the disciples of Jesus on the sea when the sudden storm arose. They are frightened and feeling very insecure. However, the comforting words of Jesus “Why are you afraid? I am here.” gives them security. Both their inner fears and the storm outside subside.

We all require the calming presence of a sensitive and caring other in our childhood to provide us a sense of safety and security, especially in times of trouble and danger. The secure attachment we develop to this person makes us confident to reach out to others in trust and build satisfying relationships necessary for health and happiness.

You may now want to stay a while quietly with whatever this reflection on foundations of healthy relationships is evoking in you:

• How does Mrs Miranda’s story affect you? Is your experience similar to or different from hers? In what way?
• As a child, did you experience your parents as available, responsive and helpful when you needed them? What memories of such experiences or their opposite come into awareness?
• Stay a while with the feelings these memories evoke in you.

…..

The Jesus who provided assurance to the disciples during the storm at sea is present to you here and now. You could place all these childhood memories and the feelings they evoke in the hands of Jesus and spend a few moments listening and talking to him.

……..

Have a pleasant weekend where you feel secure in the closeness of your dear ones and nearness Jesus who walks with you. Bye for now.

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedhacentre@gmail.com 

Images: Courtesy google Images

Psyche & Soul 2 - Childhood Foundation of Healthy Relationships: Trust

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian Priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

Last week we learned that the best help for health and happiness are loving relationships. Data from the 82-year-old Harvard Longitudinal Study had demonstrated unequivocally that warm and satisfying relationships are the most important ingredients of the good life.

However, we also know that developing healthy relationships is a challenge for most, if not all, of us.

What helps us develop healthy, loving relationships that lay the foundations for health and happiness? Psychology has some reliable answers here too.

Trust: The Master Virtue

Foundations for healthy relationships are built on the trust and security we developed through our childhood experiences, as well as the family environment in which we grew up.

Trust is a master virtue that has a profound impact on our adult relationships. Contemporary psychological theories emphasise the importance and implications of the trust that the infant, and later the child, develops in relation to the caregivers, especially the mother.

For example, in the psycho-social life span developmental theory of psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, trust developed in the first year of life is the pivot on which all of development rests.

How does one develop trust?

The first year of life is one in which the infant is showered with many sensuous and gratifying experiences. It is washed, oiled, powdered, massaged, breast-fed and carried around lovingly by the mother and other family members. It is the object of much fussing. All this attention makes the infant feel very good (like a ‘prince’ or ‘princess’) and proud of itself. It begins to feel itself as worthy of all this attention and love. As a result it develops trust in self, others and the world around and feels very secure to reach out and explore the world. When such attentive caring is missing from sensitive caregivers the infant develops mistrust in self and others and grows up insecure.

Family environment also contributes significantly to the development of trust. When the infant finds itself in a cohesive, peaceful, warm and supportive environment, it feels secure and experiences the world as safe, friendly and comforting. It is such environment that helps the child develop a benevolent, trusting attitude toward self, others and the world at large.

The essential virtue that results from trust is hope, defined as “the enduring belief in the attainability of fervent wishes.” Hope, in turn, leads to optimism and enables one to relate to others with confidence and without fear.

The confidence in self and a benevolent and hopeful attitude toward others resulting from trust it has developed enables the child as it grows up into adulthood to reach out to others in love, feeling loved and accepted. The security developed through childhood trust enables the adult to take the risks involved in reaching out to others.

On the other hand, when the childhood environment is chaotic, un-nurturing, characterised by conflict and unloving relationships and worse, violence, the child feels very unsafe and develops mistrust which in turn impairs the capacity for healthy relationships.

Children with unhappy childhoods, the Harvard Study tells us, are more likely than others to be pessimistic and self-doubting. This in turn makes them unable to receive love when it is offered and fearful in offering love to others.

They are afraid to grow close to anyone and to let anyone come close to them, for fear that they will be exploited, taken advantage of. 

Moreover, children who have failed to develop trust grow up with a suspicious and even malevolent attitude toward life. They can develop a paranoid personality. They attribute malicious motivations to even the most innocent behaviours of others. They feel everyone is against them. This too makes relationships difficult.

Lack of trust, and consequent attitudes of fear and suspicion, can wreak havoc in a marriage, as well as in religious community life. Interpersonal relationships get vitiated, resulting in stress that undermines health and happiness.

As the poet Joseph Conrad has so perceptively observed: “Woe to the man (woman) whose heart has not learned  while young to hope, to love, to put its trust in life.”

…..

Jesus has spoken about the importance of trust. In his response to the synagogue official who pleaded with him, with some desperation, to come down and cure his daughter, Jesus said: “Fear is useless; only trust is needed!” (Lk. 8, 50). When we do not trust, all kinds of fears envelop us. Trust dissipates our fears, makes us more receptive to love.

I am told the phrase “Do not be afraid!” occurs 365 times in the Bible, like a daily reminder to us all through the year to place our trust in a loving and provident God who has our wellbeing--our health and happiness -- at heart.

We shall conclude with an experiential exercise

• Sit quietly for a while, taking a comfortable position, in the awareness of whatever has been evoked in you by what you heard.

….

•          Focus now on the first years of your life. Allow your body to re-experience that time of your life. What do you experience (body sensations, thoughts, images, emotions, sounds)? Any memories come into awareness?

•          Stay for a while with whatever experiences come in to awareness and the feelings these evoke in you.

•          ……..

•          You could now spend some time in prayer, sitting quietly before God with whatever this exercise has evoked in you. Offer this early stage of your life to God, asking for healing of any trauma (painful/distressing experiences) you may have had, and thanking God for the love and care you experienced that taught you to trust.

……

Have a blessed and trust filled weekend.

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedha.bps@gmail.com

Christmass Offerings from Sumedha Centre

Christmas message

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7B1SZyw_HA

Christmas Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSINOjMagd0