A VERY FRUITFUL “PSYCHOSIRITUAL WELLBEING IN THE POST-MIDLIFE YEARS” PROGRAMME AT SUMEDHA CENTRE

 The 2^nd “Psychospiritual Wellbeing in the post Midlife years” Programme at Sumedha Centre, Jharmari, concluded on the 5^th June. This four-week residential programme commenced on the 9^th May, 2026

There were 7 participants – 6 men and 1 woman (from Brazil).

The programme was based on the book “Psychospiritual Dynamics at Midlife and Beyond: Pathways to Health and Happiness in the Second Half of Life” authored by Dr Jose Parappully, the Director of Sumedha Centre. 

The programme content included:

·         An Assessment of the current state of one’s psychospiritual journey

• Self-Awareness and Self-Transformation
• Somatic Meditation
• Holistic and Process Spiritualties
• Awakening to Post-Midlife
• Psychospiritual Dynamics During Post-Midlife years.
• Post-Midlife Journeying  Inward and Outward
• Emotional Awareness of Mortality
• Awareness of Time Limitation
• Assessment of Life and Priorities
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• 
  
  
• Post-Midlife Transformational Processes
• De-Illusioning
• Mourning Losses
• Atonement
• A Re-Look at  Sexuality, Intimacy and Celibacy
• Enhancing Interiority
• Attaining Integrity/Wholeness
• Spiritualties for the Post-Midlife Years.

Methodology was very experiential, using a four-fold approach of Input, Introspection, Interaction and Intercession. This was supplemented by Expressive Arts and Dance, Bioenergetics, Yoga, Qigong and creative liturgies.

Course requirement included reading assigned material and writing Journals and time spent in introspection and integration and active participation in group work and sharing of responsibilities.

Life at Sumedha included celebrations and visits to tourist spots and famous town nearby and a full-day group picnic to Chandigarh.

The participants found the programme immensely beneficial and life at Sumedha very satisfying. Some feedback observations:

·         “It was truly a journey inward and journey outward. It helped me get in touch with myself and plan for the future. I feel more connected with myself now and more energetic. I got help to improve my relationships. It was a wonderful programme. Well thought-out and well executed. I received more than I expected.” R. 53 years

·         “It was helpful to integrate my psychological, emotional, spiritual and relational life. It was helpful to develop appropriate intimacy, empathy, listening skills and healthy boundaries. It helped me look honestly at my life journey. It assisted me to accept my past without regrets, live in the present with gratitude, and face the future with hope” J. 56 years

·         “Sumedha is a powerhouse for body, mind and spirit. The programme led me into the core of my being. It touched me deeply. It has opened up some of the dormant or stagnant areas of my life. It has helped me to get rid of some resentment, doubt, fear, rather helped how to deal with these. It has helped me to turn “crisis” into “Kairos.” It has helped me to deal with declining health and strength and stress.” G. 62 Years

·         “I was really surprised that the programme offered me what I was genuinely longing for. It led to an overhauling of my rigid values and convictions, particularly my perfectionism which were destructive to my happiness and my relationships.” J. 65 years.

·         “Sumedha caused a thorough churning within me – backward and forward. I was amazed at the selection of topics. Just at appropriate depth each topic was covered. The process was just right. It was engaging. The facilitator was awesome. Kindness, acceptance, availability was the hallmark of the Centre. What I carry with me as a result is real joy.” J. 68 years

·         “The programme has brought me healing and wellbeing. It really helped me to look into myself and make an evaluation of my life and prepare myself to grow old gracefully. It helped me let go of my rigid values and expectations and accept people as they are. The input sessions were deep.” A. 69 years.

·         “It was providential I came to Sumedha. The programme helped me to reflect on the emotional awareness of mortality and the brevity of time available. It opened my eyes to a broader and deeper understanding of realities and paradoxes of life and their implications for future life. It helped me understand the nuances of various psychological dynamics of and the scope for gaining gracefully.” J. 73 years.

Psyche & Soul 12 : Balancing Autonomy and Dependence

BIS Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-12-Psyche--Soul---Balancing-Autonomy-and-Dependence-31-ejqolr

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for psychospiritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand with another edition of Psyche and Soul.

This weekend we shall look at one requisite for emotional wellbeing and success in life:  Balancing Autonomy and Dependence.

 Let me share two stories:

Anil is manager of a small manufacturing firm. There are about 30 employees who report directly to him and take orders from him. Most of them dislike him and many would prefer to work elsewhere if they had an option. The firm is doing pretty badly businesswise. Profits are down since the time Anil took over. One major reason is that Anil is a very “bossy” boss. He believes he knows what is best for the firm and makes all the decisions on his own and expects workers to follow strictly the strategy that he chalks out.

Sister Sushila is the newly appointed principal of a school run by a religious community. Soon after she reached her community, Sushila told Sr. Rose, the community leader. “Sister, I really need you to help me. I like you to tell me what I should do. You have so much experience.” Rose, an exceptionally non-controlling leader who wanted her members to take as much initiative as possible, told her. “It is good to ask my opinion if you really need to. I shall certainly help if needed.”

Very soon, Rose began to feel overburdened with Sushila’s frequent requests for advice and help. Sushila was reluctant to take even small decisions on her own, and needed constant reassurance from Rose. When teachers would come to her for some opinion or permission, Sushila would tell them, “I shall tell you later.” She needed to consult Rose.

Anil was excessively controlling, while Sushila was excessively dependent. Neither of them showed emotional maturity. Neither of them possessed the balance of autonomy and dependence, not having too much or too little of either, which is an important characteristics of an emotionally mature person.

Autonomy

According to psychologists Richard Ryan and Edward Deci who specialise in the study of human wellbeing and happiness, one of the three basic psychological needs we all have is the need for autonomy—the other two being relatedness and competence. Autonomy refers to the freedom we need to make choices, to have a say on matters that affect us; to give direction to our own life. Autonomy is the capacity to think and act independently. Autonomy enables us to take initiatives and do things own our own and in the way we want. It gives us a sense of control over our own lives.

Dependence

Dependence is reliance on others. When we are dependent we rely on the opinions and advice of others; we take their help. This dependence is also an important part of our daily lives.

We are social beings. We need each other. We cannot always get things done on our own. We need help of others. An emotionally mature person knows one’s limits, knows what one can do and not do, and when to ask for help and when to act independently.

Excess

But sometimes we become over dependent. We want help from others even when can manage on our own, but believing that we can’t do it by ourselves. This prevents us from taking initiatives. We look for assurance from others before we set out to do anything. We have an excessive dependence on others’ opinions and decisions even though there is no basis for believing that others are superior or wiser.

On the other hand some of us are over-autonomous. We act independently even in situations where we need to and are expected to consult others and work together with others. We act as we please without consideration for others’ opinions or needs. We avoid delegating tasks and responsibilities to others. We end up with lots of things to do. However, we prefer to exhaust ourselves rather than give up control.

This kind of over-autonomy leads to individualism – an egoistic tendency to act independently with little reference to others. Individualism has a very destructive impact on any group or community. Individualism evokes anger and resentment in other members of the group, vitiates the environment, lowers morale and commitment to task and leads to diminished group productivity.

Balance Rooted in Self-Confidence

To have balance between autonomy and dependence we need self-confidence. When we are confident, we have assurance about our standards and convictions without being a slave to the opinions of others. We engage in independent thought and action; we feel we have the right to have ideas, aspirations and wishes of our own. We have the confidence that we can get things done, that we can achieve things on our own.

When we have the right balance between autonomy and dependence, we are able to collaborate with others, as well as accept help from others. We give our opinions, express our wants without embarrassment or fear of rejection. We also know when collaboration may not be helpful and prefer to do things own our own.

Emotional Maturity

Ability to think for oneself, and make choices and decisions based on one’s own internal convictions characterise an emotionally mature person. At the same time such a person is also capable of depending on and collaborating with others as necessitated by situations.

Such emotionally mature persons are able to relate well to others and also to be effective professionally.

For Reflection

We could now spend a few months reflecting on how autonomy and dependence play out in our live. What experiences related to these come into awareness. Here are three questions for us to say with.

 ·         What has been my experiences in regard to autonomy and dependence?

 ·         Do I see myself as a person who has a helpful balance of autonomy and dependence? Why, why not? Do others see me that way? Why, why not?

 ·         What is it I need to do for a better balance of autonomy and dependence?

For Prayer

The greatest gift God has given us after life is freedom. God leaves us completely free to make whatever choices and decisions we want to make. However God has our welfare at heart and wishes that we use our freedom wisely. We could spend a few minutes talking to God about the way we have been using the gift of freedom and the way we would like to use it in future.

Have a pleasant weekend. Be healthy.  Be happy. May the choices you make enhance your wellbeing and happiness. 

Thank you for listening.

Pictures: courtesy Google Images

      Jose Parappully PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

Psyche & Soul 8-NEED FULFILMENT AND EMOTIONAL MATURATION

 Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-8-Psyche--Soul---NEED-FULFILLMENT-AND-EMOTIONAL-MATURATION-23-eievct

 Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall look at some basic needs that have to be satisfied for us to experience emotional maturation and wellbeing.

We Are All Needy!

All of us – infants, children, adolescents and adults - are needy! Needy for food, needy for rest, needy for attention, needy for appreciation, needy for love … and so on.

When our need is fulfilled, we feel happy and we spread happiness around. Just think of an infant that has been breastfed – and the blissful face of satisfaction and contentment that results. And how that bliss becomes infectious, bringing happiness to the mother and the others around.

Our happiness depends, among other important contributors, to need fulfilment. A fundamental principle in psychology is that “All behaviour is need-driven!” In other words, we behave in a particular way - whether that behaviour is good, bad, beautiful or ugly - because we have a need that we want to satisfy.

The various theories of development that we have explored in the previous columns – Eriksonian, Self Psychology, and Attachment -- describe the healthy ways to fulfil these needs and what happens when we are able or not able to fulfil them.

Basic Emotional Needs

Many of us would be familiar with Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs – represented by the famous triangle, at the wide base of which is survival needs for food, shelter and clothing and at the narrow top the self-actualization needs. Maslow refers to all human needs.

In this podcast we shall focus only on our emotional or psychological needs. Psychologists have been trying to short list the basic psychological needs. One such short list is the one proposed by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, who formulated what is known as “Self-Determination Theory.”

According the Ryan and Deci there are three basic emotional needs. When these are satisfied we grow up healthy, are driven by intrinsic motivation, and experience a sense of well-being. When these are not realized our emotional development is stunted, motivation diminished and our happiness compromised. 

Which are these basic emotional needs?

1) Relatedness: the need for belongingness and connectedness, to feel accepted and loved; 2) Competence: the need to have a sense of self-efficacy, to feel that we are capable achieving desired results, to feel confident that we can be successful and effective in what we set out to do; and 3) Autonomy: the freedom to give direction to our lives, to make choices or have a say on matters that affect our lives. These basic needs must be satisfied, not only in childhood, but across the life span for us to experience an ongoing sense well-being

Basic Needs and Intrinsic Motivation

One major dynamics that we need to keep in mind in understanding emotional maturation is motivation. Success in life as well as satisfaction in life is built on what is called intrinsic motivation which refers to doing an activity for the inherent satisfaction of the activity itself, that is, when we are motivated by the value of an activity or by an abiding personal interest in it. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation is at work when an activity is undertaken to attain some expected or promised external rewards contingent on compliance or task performance.

Thus, in the school setting, intrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because one is really interested in the subject. Extrinsic motivation is involved when one studies because of the benefits it may bring.

The basic needs of relatedness, competence and autonomy are all involved in fostering intrinsic motivation.

A secure, supportive relational base is essential for developing intrinsic motivation For example, when children engaged in a task are ignored by their caretakers (when there is no mirroring) they are observed to have low intrinsic motivation and their achievement level is lowered. When students experience their teachers as cold and uncaring, intrinsic motivation is reduced. Thus, high quality performance seems to require the presence of appreciative and encouraging mirroring figures.

Opportunities for choice, initiative, creativity and experimentation, so very necessary to build competence, also enhance intrinsic motivation because these provide us a greater feeling of autonomy. Thus, when, both children and adults are given freedom to organize their activities the way they would like to, they are more intrinsically motivated and show greater interest and creativity.

Research has shown that teachers who support autonomy generate in their students greater intrinsic motivation, curiosity, and desire to face and overcome challenges. On the contrary, students who are taught with a more controlling approach not only lose initiative, but learn less effectively. Parents who support autonomy, compared to controlling parents, have children who are more intrinsically motivated.

In regard to adults, autonomy basically means the capacity to make one’s own decisions without undue pressure or fear. It supposes a setting where thinking and personal responsibility are not stifled or just tolerated, but encouraged.

A Facilitative Environment

An important point to note here is that what matters more than someone helping us to meet these basic needs is whether the environment in which we find ourselves is one that facilitates or thwarts the fulfilment of these needs. An environment that encourages relatedness, competence and autonomy facilitates healthy emotional development. On the other hand, an environment characterized by lack of connectedness, excessive control, non-optimal challenges, disrupt our inherent growth potentials, curb our initiative and lead to distress and psychopathology.

So if we are to grow emotionally healthy as well achieve our potential for growth and high quality performance we need environments that foster the fulfillment of these basic emotional needs. And if we want others to experience the same, we need to create from them such an environment.

Quiet Time

We could take a few moments to consider if our needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence are being met or not. We could also consider how we are helping those around us to meet these needs.

…..

We know that our God is very interested in our emotional wellbeing, our health and happiness. God wants jus to experience relatedness, become competent. God respects our freedom to make choices by giving us free will. God wants us to make choices that lead to health and happiness. But God does not force us.

We could stay for a while with the memories and feelings this reflection is evoking is us and talk to this God about our experiences and desires and longings related to these basic emotional needs for relatedness, competence and autonomy.

Have a pleasant weekend where you experience enhanced relatedness, competence and autonomy. Be well, be safe, be blessed.

Psyche & Soul 2 - Childhood Foundation of Healthy Relationships: Trust

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

This is Jose Parappully, Salesian Priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

Last week we learned that the best help for health and happiness are loving relationships. Data from the 82-year-old Harvard Longitudinal Study had demonstrated unequivocally that warm and satisfying relationships are the most important ingredients of the good life.

However, we also know that developing healthy relationships is a challenge for most, if not all, of us.

What helps us develop healthy, loving relationships that lay the foundations for health and happiness? Psychology has some reliable answers here too.

Trust: The Master Virtue

Foundations for healthy relationships are built on the trust and security we developed through our childhood experiences, as well as the family environment in which we grew up.

Trust is a master virtue that has a profound impact on our adult relationships. Contemporary psychological theories emphasise the importance and implications of the trust that the infant, and later the child, develops in relation to the caregivers, especially the mother.

For example, in the psycho-social life span developmental theory of psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, trust developed in the first year of life is the pivot on which all of development rests.

How does one develop trust?

The first year of life is one in which the infant is showered with many sensuous and gratifying experiences. It is washed, oiled, powdered, massaged, breast-fed and carried around lovingly by the mother and other family members. It is the object of much fussing. All this attention makes the infant feel very good (like a ‘prince’ or ‘princess’) and proud of itself. It begins to feel itself as worthy of all this attention and love. As a result it develops trust in self, others and the world around and feels very secure to reach out and explore the world. When such attentive caring is missing from sensitive caregivers the infant develops mistrust in self and others and grows up insecure.

Family environment also contributes significantly to the development of trust. When the infant finds itself in a cohesive, peaceful, warm and supportive environment, it feels secure and experiences the world as safe, friendly and comforting. It is such environment that helps the child develop a benevolent, trusting attitude toward self, others and the world at large.

The essential virtue that results from trust is hope, defined as “the enduring belief in the attainability of fervent wishes.” Hope, in turn, leads to optimism and enables one to relate to others with confidence and without fear.

The confidence in self and a benevolent and hopeful attitude toward others resulting from trust it has developed enables the child as it grows up into adulthood to reach out to others in love, feeling loved and accepted. The security developed through childhood trust enables the adult to take the risks involved in reaching out to others.

On the other hand, when the childhood environment is chaotic, un-nurturing, characterised by conflict and unloving relationships and worse, violence, the child feels very unsafe and develops mistrust which in turn impairs the capacity for healthy relationships.

Children with unhappy childhoods, the Harvard Study tells us, are more likely than others to be pessimistic and self-doubting. This in turn makes them unable to receive love when it is offered and fearful in offering love to others.

They are afraid to grow close to anyone and to let anyone come close to them, for fear that they will be exploited, taken advantage of. 

Moreover, children who have failed to develop trust grow up with a suspicious and even malevolent attitude toward life. They can develop a paranoid personality. They attribute malicious motivations to even the most innocent behaviours of others. They feel everyone is against them. This too makes relationships difficult.

Lack of trust, and consequent attitudes of fear and suspicion, can wreak havoc in a marriage, as well as in religious community life. Interpersonal relationships get vitiated, resulting in stress that undermines health and happiness.

As the poet Joseph Conrad has so perceptively observed: “Woe to the man (woman) whose heart has not learned  while young to hope, to love, to put its trust in life.”

…..

Jesus has spoken about the importance of trust. In his response to the synagogue official who pleaded with him, with some desperation, to come down and cure his daughter, Jesus said: “Fear is useless; only trust is needed!” (Lk. 8, 50). When we do not trust, all kinds of fears envelop us. Trust dissipates our fears, makes us more receptive to love.

I am told the phrase “Do not be afraid!” occurs 365 times in the Bible, like a daily reminder to us all through the year to place our trust in a loving and provident God who has our wellbeing--our health and happiness -- at heart.

We shall conclude with an experiential exercise

• Sit quietly for a while, taking a comfortable position, in the awareness of whatever has been evoked in you by what you heard.

….

•          Focus now on the first years of your life. Allow your body to re-experience that time of your life. What do you experience (body sensations, thoughts, images, emotions, sounds)? Any memories come into awareness?

•          Stay for a while with whatever experiences come in to awareness and the feelings these evoke in you.

•          ……..

•          You could now spend some time in prayer, sitting quietly before God with whatever this exercise has evoked in you. Offer this early stage of your life to God, asking for healing of any trauma (painful/distressing experiences) you may have had, and thanking God for the love and care you experienced that taught you to trust.

……

Have a blessed and trust filled weekend.

The podcast of this post is available on:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-2-Psyche--soul---Foundation-of-Healthy-Relationships-Trust-10-egi181

Please send your comments, and questions to me at sumedha.bps@gmail.com

"Psyche & Soul" 1 - Health and Happiness

Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist,  and Director of Sumedha Centre for Psychospiritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, presents every weekend starting this July a psychospiritual and educational reflection titled “Psyche & Soul.” on Bosco Information Service (www.donboscoindia.org)  In these reflections he uses insights from psychology, sacred scripture as well as the socio-political realities of our everyday life to help us enhance our emotional wellbeing and our spiritual life – our psyche and our soul.

In this first reflection he focuses on health and happiness – our psycho-physical and spiritual wellbeing.

                                                                               .....

Let me begin with a question: What is it that contributes to health and happiness the most in the later years of life? …..

The answer to this question is something that psychology has been searching for years. The answer is now clear, with conclusive data from research.

It is our satisfying and fulfilling close relationships (friendships, marital relationships) in the earlier years that lead to health and happiness in the later years of life.

Research after research has been reaching the same conclusion. Let me cite the most famous of them all.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, known as the Grant Study, is perhaps the longest running longitudinal study ever. A longitudinal study is one that follows up the same group of people over many years. The Harvard study, begun in 1938, followed up two groups of people, one 268 students from Harvard University, coming from the privileged affluent class and the other 456 young men from Boston’s poorest families. Around 70 of these men are still alive, and are still being studied.

These men were followed year after year, now for over eighty years – with questionnaires and interviews, psychological and medical tests that collected every kind of data. Painstaking analysis of all these data led to several significant conclusions regarding physical and emotional wellbeing . 

In a recent TED presentation entitled “The Good Life” Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current and fourth Director of the Study, declared that the Grant Study provided conclusive evidence to show that it is our close relationships that lead to health and happiness.

Those with the most satisfying relationships in the earlier years were the happiest and healthiest in their 70s’s and 80’s. Those who were isolated from others, who had no friends or satisfying marital relationships, were less happy and less healthy.

A second clear message delivered by the Study, Waldinger observed, is that it is the quality of close relationships, and not the number of relationships that matter. Having a few really good close relationships contributes more to health and happiness than several not so close or healthy ones

.

Waldinger’s predecessor, Dr. George Vaillant, published four books based on the findings from the Study. In them Vaillant had already confirmed what Waldinger found. It is our close relationships that really count.  I quote: “Warm, intimate relationships are the most important contributing factor in the establishment of a good life.” 

The capacity for close relationships, in turn, depended significantly on the warm relationships the men in the study had experienced with their parents, siblings and other significant people in childhood. A loving and cohesive home environment had a profound impact on life satisfaction in adult life.

Vaillant’s five-word final conclusion: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”  That’s it, “Happiness is built on love.”

…….

Jesus had said this many years ago. “Love one another,” he had said. That’s the only thing that really matters.

Happiness, according to Jesus, results from loving one another, caring for one another, forgiving one another.  The good life according to Jesus is founded on a society where justice, peace and harmony prevail, where everyone treats one another, irrespective of class, caste, religion and ethnicity as sons and daughters of the same loving God…

The situations in contemporary society, torn apart by dissension and hatred, invite us to give greater consideration to these values essential for health and happiness.

It might be helpful for us to take a few moments, in the context of this reflection, to consider the quality of our relationships, the way we treat one another.

Here are a few questions for us to stay with as we conclude:

Are the insights from the Grant Study and Jesus’ teaching on relationships challenging us in anyway?

How can we enhance love in our relationships? ….. Is there any particular relationship to which we have to bring some changes to make it more loving?

Is there anything God is telling us in regard to our relationships?

We take a few moments to listen to the Spirit within us and we respond in quiet payer, talking to the God who envelops us in love.

A n podcast based on this post  is available at anchor Psyche--soul---health-and-happiness

……

God bless. Have a healthy and happy weekend enhanced by loving relationships.

Bye, till the next weekend.

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD
Director Sumedha Centre