HEALTH AND HAPPINESS IN THE POST-MIDLIFE YEARS

 The first “Health & Happiness in the Post Midlife Years – Aging gracefully” programme at Sumedha Centre Jharmari concluded on the 13^th September. This 4-week-long residential programme had commenced on the 17^th August, 2025.

The programme was based on the book “Psychospiritual Dynamics at Midlife and Beyond: Guide Posts for a Healthy and Happy Second Half of Life, “authored by Dr. Jose Parappully, the Director of Sumedha Centre.

The content of the programme included: Self-Awareness; Awakening to Post-Midlife; Psychospiritual Dynamics at Post-Midlife; Transformational Processes, and Spirituality for the Post-Midlife years.

The process was experiential. Besides input there were much time devoted to introspection, journaling and Expressive Arts, Sharing Circles and somatic meditations. Relevant movies, videos and songs helped to better understand the dynamics as they played out in the lives of people. There was also time for fun, to relax together.

All participants expressed great appreciation for the programme. They all observed that they had benefitted immensely from the programme. It had truly helped them, providing insights and practices to make their post-midlife years healthy and happy.

Some comments from the participants.

“The programme was very helpful to understand that there is in the post- midlife years a great opportunity to make life better. It provided me all the ingredients needed for aging gracefully.” Bhasker

 “I found this course much useful for me. It provided me new insights with regard to aging gracefully and has helped me understand and live the post-midlife spirituality. The topic “Burnout” was an eye-opener.” Deepak

“The programme helped me slow-down and reflect on my life, deepening my awareness of the connection between body-mind and spirit. It provided deep insights into the inner shifts that occur at midlife.  It offered practical tools for aging gracefully. The importance of both psychology and spirituality in this process was enlightening. The programme taught me to see post-midlife not as decline, but a time to live more meaningfully.” George

“I benefitted a lot through the insightful inputs, the introspection, the journaling and the sharing. These helped me to go back over the way I had lived so far and decide to make changes so that I will not repeat the mistakes of the past that led to burnout.” Jose

 “The programme on the whole was well designed and executed. It exceeded my expectations. The rich, relevant and well-researched inputs, the meditations and reflections helped me to see my life in perspective, accept my past journey as unique and plan my years ahead to be spent in gratitude and praise. The somatic exercises made my body flexible, and I feel healthier and more energetic.” Thomas

The next “Health and Happiness” programme is from May 09 to June 05, 2026.  Registration is open. Contact: sumedhacentre@gmail.com.

 

 

Psyche & Soul 18: PREVENTING/RELIEVING STRESS THE S-AMRT WAY.

 Podcast Link

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-18-Psyche--Soul---PREVENTING-AND-RELIEVING-STRESS-THE-S-AMRT-WAY-43-elphve

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall explore how we can reduce as well as prevent stress.

Stress is common place during these Covid -19 times. Learning to handle this stress is important for our health and happiness.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of our thoughts, our emotions, our schedules, our environment, and the way we deal with situations and perceived threats.

Stress management involves changing the stressful situation when we can, changing our reaction when we can’t, taking care of ourselves, and making time for rest and relaxation.

                                                                      The S-AMRT Approach

I am suggesting a 4-S approach to managing stress: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Self-Renewal and Self-Transformation or the (S-AMRT) Approach

 Self-Awareness

We need to be aware of what is happening to us and in us.

·        Become aware of our daily routine, especially in regard to work and the effect that routine is having on our life and relationships.

·         Become aware of the kind of situations and reactions that trigger negative emotions and distress.

·    Become aware of changes in our physical wellbeing: of incipient fatigue, headaches, insomnia, gastro-intestine problems, and other physical stresses. Such awareness lets us know that something is wrong and signals the need for us to do something to correct things.

·      When we attempt a change of course, we need to become aware of our successful and   unsuccessful modes of coping with stress.

Self-Management

The second is self-management. We need to learn to manage our lives better. This we do by bringing about some helpful changes in our attitudinal and behavioural patterns.

 ·         Developing more flexible attitudes towards self and work is a good place to start.

 ·       We need to learn to manage our energy; know how much of it to spend and where and when and how.  Time management is a great help here. We need to set priorities, and learn to delegate tasks. We need to     discern which are the tasks that need our personal attention and time investment and which can be done by others

·       Learning to ask for help is another stress-buster. Too often we try to manage things on our own, and get frustrated. Frustration triggers a stress response. A simple way to avoid this needless stress is to ask someone for help -- for advice as well as hands-on help.

·         We need to make our job expectations our own and not somebody else's. Trying to reach standards someone sets up for us is a recipe for continued frustration and burnout.

 ·       We also need to make goals and standards we set for ourselves realistic.  Setting standards far above our capacity to achieve them will lead to frustration and to stress.

Third, Self-Renewal

There are many ways we can renew ourselves and feel energised.

·         Increasing physical fitness and overall wellbeing through vigorous exercise makes us less vulnerable to the negative effects of stress. Proper diet too assists in this.

 ·      It is important that we have time to rest and relax. Relaxation decreases blood pressure, slows down heart beat and breathing rate and facilitates healing for the mind and body. Techniques such as yoga, meditation, deep abdominal breathing, visualization of serene environments, or even simply sitting or lying restfully with eyes closed thinking of nothing in particular activate the body’s relaxation response. 

 ·       Creative and meaningful relationships serve as sources of energy mobilization and provide opportunities for healthy relaxation.

Finally, Self-Transformation

·         We can bring about self-transformation through cognitive restructuring, that is, changing our perceptions and thought patterns. Changing our perceptions and interpretations, for example, of threatening situations or obstacles we face can help us both to find relief from stress as well as prevent stress.

 ·         Changing the way we see events—as outside our control or within our control—may be the biggest factor in staying on top of stress. Believing we have control over events in our life has great leverage in management of stress. Even when we can’t control an event or situation, we can control our reaction to it, we can change our perception about it, and how we think about it.

 ·         It is also possible to change the reality, or the stressor itself. For example, our stress may be coming from an overcrowded day. We can eliminate or at least reduce the stress by creating lighter work schedules. Prioritising and delegating are two important ways to reduce work stress.

 ·         How we appraise events (stressors) is influenced by our self-concept, how we see ourselves. Building a positive sense of self, strengthening our belief in ourselves and our capacity to be in control and achieve desired results can reduce our vulnerability to stress.

 ·       Living ethically, making our private lives congruent with the values we espouse publicly, and pursuing goals consistent with those values, also reduces the stress that results from guilt and fear of exposure.

 ·    Learning to live in peace with those who inhabit our relational world is also important. Inter-personal conflicts are major causes of stress. There are many such conflicts that we can easily avoid with a little effort. 

For reflection.

 ·         What’s the level of stress you are currently experiencing? What could be some of the causes of your stress? What insights are you getting from this podcast as to how you can prevent or reduce stress in your life?

In the Gospel Jesus says: “Come to me all you who are weary and overburdened. I will give you rest.” That Jesus is with you here and now, reaching out to you with compassion as he did to so many. You could spend a few minutes with him, telling him how you really feel, sharing your burdens with him and experience the relief he has promised. You could also visualize Jesus, like a compassionate mother, soothing and comforting you with great tenderness.

Have a stress-free  weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be Blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading.

Pictures: Courtesy google Images

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

Psyche & Soul 17: RESILIENCE

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-17-Psyche--Soul---the-contribution-of-resilience-to-health-and-happiness-41-elfm96

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of resilience to health and happiness…

 Mr. Rajan’s story in the previous column was not just about hope, it was also about resilience – the capacity to thrive despite adversity, to bounce back from setbacks, from trauma and tragedy and being able to live at even greater levels of wellbeing and satisfaction than before, that is, to flourish.

Resilient people, like the proverbial phoenix, are able to rise up literally from the ashes of their destructive or painful experience and thrive again.

The remarkable way the Hiroshima and Nagasaki is restored and built up from the ashes of nuclear devastation by the survivors is a historical example of resilience.

So also, is the remarkable story of Steve Jobs, an icon in the IT industry, co-founder of Apple, the creative genius behind the iMac, iPod, iPhone, and the iPad. But many may not know that he was dismissed from the company which he had co-founded. The experience did not break him, rather it forced him to reinvent himself. He would later say that this was the best thing that happened to him. It forced him to start again from scratch and scale new heights.

Soon after, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which doctors thought inoperable. He fought against the disease and survived for few years more, and went on to become one of the world’s most admired creative geniuses.

Steve Jobs did not allow setbacks to dishearten him, rather he used them as stepping stones to climb greater heights. He was truly resilient.

RESILIENCE IS NOT JUST RECOVERY

Resilience is not just about rising from the ashes. It is also about the capacity to maintain high levels of resistance to stressful events. According to psychologist George Bonanno, an expert in the field, resilience enables us to endure upheavals remarkably well, with no apparent disruption in our ability to function and to move on to new challenges with apparent ease.

In contrast to recovery which connotes a breakdown in normal functioning following trauma or loss, leading to high levels of distress or even psychopathology and then gradually returning to pre-event levels, resilience, Bonanno observes, reflects the ability to maintain a stable equilibrium in the face of adversity.

When we are resilient, even when we experience a potentially highly disruptive event, we are able to maintain relatively stable, healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning. We show resilience through our capacity to respond flexibly and adaptively to adverse situations.

As resilient persons we are not broken by suffering; rather, we experience difficulties and obstacles as opportunities to grow. We not only bounce back from setbacks, we also grow and develop through these experiences just as Steve Jobs and many great artists, were able to do.

CONTRIBUTORS TO RESILIENCE

 What leads to resilience?

 Psychologists have identified certain areas of competence that lay the foundation for resilience. Among these are: secure attachments; interpersonal competence including ability to recruit help; cognitive competence to plan and organize; emotional competencies especially capacity to regulate emotions, delay gratification, and maintain high levels of hope, optimism and self-esteem; grateful living, and having meaning and purpose in life.

According to some psychologists having meaning and purpose in life is the core competency that contributes to resilience. As Nietzsche is said to have observed, “If you have a WHY to live for, you can live any HOW.” That is, if we have a meaningful purpose in life, we can face and triumph over any adversity.

Viktor Frankl used Nietzsche’s words as inspiration to survive the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp. He kept constantly before him a reason to get out of the camp alive – to re-join with his wife. As a result, he alone of his batch of inmates survived.

Faith and attendance at religious services have been found to foster resilience. The world views provided by faith contribute to purposefulness and meaningfulness, offer support in difficult times, and the strength to triumph over adversity.

As Robert Emmons, a psychologist who researches the impact of religion and spirituality on wellbeing has observed, “Religion and spirituality can provide a unifying philosophy of life and serve as an integrating and stabilising force in the face of constant environmental and cultural pressures that push for fragmentation.”

MENTORS AND ROLE MODELS

Every research that has explored the variables that have contributed to resilience, especially to flourishing after a dysfunctional childhood, has found one common variable that contributed to a positive outcome. This was the presence of an empathic other, usually a loving aunt or uncle or a dedicated and sensitive teacher, who became a mentor and a role model and whose care and support made up for deficiencies and enabled the individual to find meaning and purpose in life and triumph over tragedy.

One sensitive and caring individual can make a profound difference in the life of another, no matter how dismal or dysfunctional his or her life experiences might have been. Each of us can become that empathic other and transform lives.

Here are a few questions for you to ponder over:

 How resilient are you?

·         How do you generally handle adversities?

·         Have you been able to thrive after some tragedy? If yes, what helped you?

·         Can you recall an empathic other who has touched my life profoundly?

Joseph, the son of the Biblical patriarch Jacob was remarkably resilient. He was not broken by suffering and misfortune. His jealous brothers wanted to kill him and threw him into a well. He survived. Later he was falsely accused and thrown into prison. Yet, he became the powerful ruler of Egypt, next in power only to the Pharaoh.  Joseph trusted in God and believed he would help him survive and thrive. That God in whom Joseph trusted is with you here and now, genuinely interested in your wellbeing, looking at you with love and compassion. What would you like to tell this God about your own trials and tribulations?

 Have a blessed weekend. Be well. Be safe.

 Thank you for listening/reading.

Picture: Courtesy Google Images

 

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

 

Psyche & Soul 16: HOPE AND OPTIMISM ENHANCE HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

  podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-16-Psyche--Soul---hope-and-optimism-to-health-and-happiness-39-el529m

 Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of hope and optimism to health and happiness…

  Mr. Rajan had built up a thriving business through hard work and sacrifice. He had just invested a few lakhs of rupees to improve his facilities when an accidental fire destroyed all that he had built up. He was devastated.

 The fire gutted his business, but not his spirit. Recovering from the shock he determined to rebuild his business. He was confident he could do it although difficult. Instead of brooding and lamenting over his loss he set about finding ways and means. He first approached his insurance company. He was told it would take some time before he would be reimbursed.

 He then approached a bank for loans. It refused. He went to another … and another, and kept going from bank to bank. They all refused. He realized he was not going to get the loans he needed. But he did not give up. He knew he would find a way.

 And that way was selling his large house and surrounding land and moving into a small apartment with his family. With the money from the sale, he started his business again on a very small scale. Meanwhile he received remuneration from the insurance company. Slowly the business expanded and today ten years later, his business ventures are thriving.

 Mr. Rajan lived with hope. He believed he would succeed and he worked hard to make his dream come true.

Hope is the conviction of having a meaningful future despite obstacles and also choosing the pathways to make that future real.

Persons high on hope have visions of who they want to be and what they want to accomplish in life and are able to motivate themselves, and feel resourceful to accomplish their objectives.

 Hope and optimism go together. Optimism provides us with a faith that the future is going to be bright, that we can accomplish our goals, whatever they may be. When in a tight spot, we reassure ourselves that things will get better.

Hope includes practical pathways to realize the bright future we envisage. We persist in seeking goals despite setbacks and obstacles. We are also flexible enough to find different ways to get to our goals or to switch goals, if needed.

HOPE THEORY

This is the understanding of hope provided by C. R. Snyder, the leading psychologist exploring hope. Snyder and his colleagues have come up with what they call the “Hope Theory.” The theory holds that hope involves two types of thinking: agency thinking and pathway thinking.

 Agency Thinking

Agency thinking refers to an individual’s determination to achieve his or her goals despite possible obstacles. It reflects the self-belief one will succeed in one’s endeavor. High-hope persons embrace such self-talk phrases as “I can do this” and “I am not going to be stopped.”

 Pathway Thinking

Pathway thinking refers an individual belief he or she can achieve personal goals.  It involves generating an effective route to a desired goal. When that route does not bear the desired fruit, high-hope persons are able to create alternate routes and persist until desired outcomes are realized.

NOT WISHFUL THINKING

Hope, thus, is not mere wishful thinking, an illusion. It is real. It involves having goals and working towards realization of those goals, despite obstacles. Hope calls for determination and commitment. Hope was aptly expressed in Barack Obama’s famous election slogan. “Yes, We Can!” But it was not just a slogan. He and an army of committed volunteers worked hard to make the dream come true.

 BENEFITS OF HOPE

A large body of research shows that hope promotes health and happiness. Hope buffers people against a number of physical and mental problems and helps people heal faster and easier. Individuals who maintain high levels of hope when battling illness significantly enhance their chances of recovery.

 Hope and optimism have been found to be negatively correlated with depression, anxiety, and anger and positively correlated with life satisfaction, positive physical and mental health, self-esteem, ability to adapt and cope in various situations and longer life.

In general, people who possess hope and think optimistically have a greater sense of wellbeing in addition to the improved health outcomes outlined above. Hope evokes positive emotions and reduces negative ones. Hope has been found to release endorphins which create pleasurable mood and feeling of wellbeing.

 Hope is a high motivator and facilitates success in one’s endavours. Hope has been found to relate to higher achievement test scores among students. Athletes with high as compared with low hope perform significantly better in their events.

Living hopefully, thus, leads to health and happiness as well as success in life. It would be worthwhile for us to cultivate hope which calls for fighting pessimistic outlook on life and developing optimistic attitudes and working persistently toward goal realization.

 

 INTROSPECTION

Here are few questions for us to introspect:

Do I generally have an optimistic or pessimistic outlook on life?

Do I easily give up when I face obstacles, or do I persist in my efforts until I succeed?

Is there any lesson/message for me in Mr Rajan’s story? If yes, what?

 PRAYER

The twin dimensions of hope presented by Snyder and colleagues – agency thinking and pathway thinking - are illustrated in the beautiful Gospel story of healing of the woman with the hemorrhages (Mark, 5, 24-35). This woman who had been suffering from chronic hemorrhages over a period of years had spent her life savings approaching many doctors in hope of healing, but with little positive outcome. Yet, she did not give up. She persisted in her hope that she will be healed. And she took an alternate pathway to healing. She believed that if she could touch Jesus’s garment she would be healed. In spite of the hurdles before her, she made her way to Jesus and touched the hem of his garment. And she was healed…..

You could visualize this beautify story of hope and optimism for a while. May be you could place yourself as a participant in the story. You could allow a fantasy to develop, allow in your imagination the incident to unfold further. What happens next? What do you see, hear and do? What emotions arise in you as you observe? What sensations do you feel?....  You could then spend a few moments conversing with Jesus or the woman.

Have a pleasant weekend.

Be well Be safe. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening.

Pictures: Courtesy google Images

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

Psyche & Soul - 15: GENEROSITY LEADS TO HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

 Podcast link

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-15-Psyche--Soul---WANT-TO-BE-HAPPY--BE-GENEROUS--37-ekqi9j

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of generosity to health and happiness…

The Gospels have two marvellous stories of generosity. One is of the widow who put her entire life earnings, though so small, into the temple treasury (Lk. 21, 3). Jesus appreciates her generosity.

The other is that of the boy with five loaves and two fish. Quite a bit of food for a boy to consume. May be that was the ration for his whole family. Whatever, the boy’s generosity in giving away his fish and loaves helped to feed five thousand hungry people (Jn. 6, 9-12).

There are any number of modern day stories of generosity. One such story, an extraordinary one, is that of Mr. Kalyanasundarm from Tamil Nadu, who was given the rare title of Man of the Millennium.

What is best known about Mr. Kalyanasundaram is that he donated his entire salary from the first day of starting his job as librarian at Kumarkurupara Arts College, till the last day of his service to charitable causes. He also gave away his entire pension money to charity. To sustain his own simple life style Mr. Kalyanasundaram worked as a waiter/cleaner in a local restaurant and did other sundry jobs.

His generosity expressed itself in many other ways as well.

When the Sino-Indian war broke out in 1963, Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru made a public request on radio for people to donate to the National Defense Fund. Mr. Kalyanasundaram, then a student at Madras University, donated his one valued possession – his gold chain.

When floods ravaged South Tamil Nadu districts in 1992 Mr. Kalyanasundaram travelled to several villages and donated books, school uniforms and stationaries to 10,000 children.

He donated his entire millennial price award of 30 lakh rupees too charity.

Mr. Kalyanasundaram wants to be useful even in death. He has donated his body for scientific research after his death.

Extraordinary generosity, indeed!

REWARDS OF GENEROSITY

What did his generosity bring Mr Kalyanasundaram? Recognition, yes. The joy that comes from giving, surely. The satisfaction of so many lives being enriched, no doubt.

But there is much more. Scientific research tells us that just like gratitude that we explored in the last podcast, a generous disposition has extraordinary impact on our emotional health and wellbeing.  Such a disposition evokes in us positive emotions with consequent benefits. Generosity is a proven mental and emotional health enhancer. Jesus’ exhortation, “Give and gifts will be given to you…” (Lk.38) is true in many, many ways.

Research shows that generosity reduces stress, prevents depression, enhances our sense of purpose and leads to overall life satisfaction and wellbeing, making us healthier and happier. 

Research has also shown that helping others enhances the helper’s own happiness. Generosity trumps selfishness when it comes to success and life satisfaction in the long run.

Generosity leads us to perceive others in more positive light and enhances social connectedness and builds positive personal relationships, both of which are proved to enhance emotional wellbeing and contribute to reduced risk of mortality.

Generous actions create a “feel good” factor, which in turn, enhances self-esteem, a necessary contributor to emotional health. These actions release endorphin, dopamine and oxytocin – the feel good chemicals in our body – which brings about a “helper’s high” and helps fight stress and disease. Feeling good is a natural byproduct of doing good. Stinginess – the opposite of generosity – on the other hand, has been found to evoke a sense of shame, which negatively affects emotional wellbeing.

More importantly, just like gratitude, a generous disposition also enhances our immune system and extends our lifespan. Generosity reduces blood pressure, anxiety and depression and lowers the risk of dementia, thus contributing to wellbeing and a longer and happier life.

Thus, there are enough reasons for us to be generous.

WHAT IS GENEROSITY?

Want actually is generosity? Generosity is not just giving gifts or donating to a good cause. To be generous, as the dictionary defines it, is to be “magnanimous.” Magnanimous means having a “large soul,” from the two Latin words “magna” meaning  large and “anima” meaning soul. So, real generosity is about the largeness of our heart, from which flow the deeds of kindness and compassion.

For the great catholic theologian and philosopher Thomas Aquinas, magnanimity is the greatest of all virtues. It is the cherry that tops all charity.

LITTLE WAYS TO BE GENEROUS

We need not be, and may not afford to be, as magnanimous as the poor widow, or the boy with the fish and loaves of the Gospel, or Mr. Kalyanasundarm, giving away all that we have. We can be generous in little ways. We can contribute a bit of our time, make a small donation, give away a book we have already read, or the clothes lying unused in our cupboards, spent a few minutes with a distressed person, make someone feeling blue laugh, give free tuition to a struggling poor student, volunteer to help our neighbours or at the local parish or charity.

Countless, indeed, are the opportunities to be generous.

For reflection

We could now spend a few moments reflecting on how generosity plays out in own lives. In what ways can we be a little more generous, even magnanimous? …

What do the two Gospel scenes cited at the beginning of this podcast and the story of Mr Kalyanasundaram evoke in us? What do they inspire?…

The Jesus who appreciated the generosity of the widow and the boy is with us here and now. We could spend a few moments sharing with him what these stories evoke in us.   We could also ask him to show us how we can be more generous in the coming week.

Have a pleasant and generous weekend.

Be well. Be safe. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading.

 

Jose Parappully SD, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

Psyche & Soul 14 LIVING GRATEFULLY

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-14-Psyche--Soul---the-contribution-of-gratitude-to-health-and-happiness-35-ekg5n9

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of gratitude to health and happiness

Emotionally healthy persons have genuine appreciation for life and its blessings. They experience spontaneous joy and deep satisfaction in living. They are sensitive to the wonderful things happening in them and around them—the daily miracles of life. While recognising the limitations that life imposes on them, and despite the troubles and tragedies they experience, they are able to see and appreciate the blessings in their life. They live gratefully.

Emotionally healthy persons are able to experience this gratitude even in the midst of tragedy. This is beautifully exampled in a research on parents whose son or daughter had been murdered and who had experienced a positive transformation in their lives through their tragic loss.  The research question was: What are the processes and resources that enabled these parents to turn the tragedy – the murder of their son or daughter -- into a gift, to turn their trauma into a positive source for growth and transformation?

 A surprising finding was that one of the resources that enabled each of the participants to grow out of their pain, and experience a positive personal transformation was thankfulness. We might wonder what is there to be thankful for when someone has murdered one’s son or daughter. Yet each one of the participants had so many things for which they were grateful.

Among these participants the one who could have turned out to be most bitter and resentful was Julia (name changed). Yet, she was according to the researcher, the most grateful of all the participants. Julia’s only children - twin daughters -, ten years old, were murdered together one night, supposedly by her estranged husband. Despite this awful tragedy Julia found much in her life for which was thankful. That thankful attitude had enabled her to overcome her trauma and grow through her pain and loss. This is how she expressed her gratitude:

“I am so fortunate . . . it just amazes me, you know. . . .  I am so fortunate. . . . I could not have had them – (my girls). What they brought into my life is so wonderful and precious, that I really am blessed…. And I am lucky to have those memories now. They are still in my life. Those bullets didn’t take those away. . . . And I have tons of gifts in my life. You know, in the balance of my life, yeah, there is a lot of tragedy, but look at the happiness I’ve got, look at the neat things there are in my life.”

Julia finds so much to be grateful for in life, despite the tragedy that struck her.

 What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is much more than saying “thank you” to someone who has given us a gift or helped us in some way, or to God for a blessing received. Gratitude, as defined in psychology, is —“the capacity to feel the emotion of thankfulness on a regular and consistent basis, across situations and over time.” In other words, gratitude is a disposition that accompanies us through good times and bad; when things go well and things go wrong, through success and failure.

 The Power of Gratitude

Psychological and medical research has found that gratitude is a virtue that has enormous consequences for physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. For example, it has been found that grateful persons fall less often sick, and even when they fall sick, they recover much faster than ungrateful persons. And more important, grateful persons live significantly longer lives than the ungrateful persons.   The major reason for the health benefits of gratitude, research tells us, is that gratitude is the disposition that most creates positive emotions in us. These positive emotions, in turn, strengthen our immune system and help us to ward of disease. They increase our resilience.

 It is good for us to keep in mind these physical health benefits of gratitude during these Corona times.

The spiritual power of gratitude can be gaged from the saying attributed to the great fourteenth century Dominican mystic Meister Eckhart who said: “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Awe and Wonder

There are so many wonderful things, daily miracles happening around us, happenings that need to awaken in us what Albert Einstein described as a “sense of awe and wonder.” But too often we consider these as too mundane. Einstein wrote: “There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

Even during these days of vovid-19 with its hassles and restrictions, there are wonderful things happening around us. Do we notice them? Do we express thanks for them?

What are the daily miracle that you see around you and which evoke awe and wonder in you?...

You could complete the following open ended statement in different ways: “I am thankful today for….” Try making a list. Then spend a few minutes expressing gratitude to God.

One helpful means to cultivate gratitude is the daily practice of the Examen of Consciousness. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit quietly and allow memories of the good things – the little miracles - that have happened during the day to come into awareness and let your heart fill with thankfulness. When you do this Examen regularly you will gradually become more and more sensitive to these daily miracles and live more gratefully. Keeping a daily Gratitude Journal in which you list the gifts and blessings of the day and describe your feelings about them is another helpful practice for cultivating gratitude.

Jesus sets us wonderful example of gratitude. In his prayer he often expresses gratitude to his Father - for listening to his prayer, for revealing his message to little ones. He expresses awe and wonder – at his Father’s care for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field…. What is it you can learn from him about gratitude? …  You could spend few moments with him asking him to show you more of the “daily miracles” in your life and allow gratitude to take hold of you and fill your heart with a sense of awe and wonder…. Mary of Nazareth expresses her gratitude in her beautiful Magnificat. May be like her you too could sing your own Magnificat, expressing thanks for the great things God has done for you and continues to do.

Have a pleasant weekend in which you can take time to notice more of the daily miracles and have opportunity to stand in awe and wonder.

Be well. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading

Pictures: courtesy Google Images

Jose Parappully PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com