Psyche & Soul 17: RESILIENCE

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-17-Psyche--Soul---the-contribution-of-resilience-to-health-and-happiness-41-elfm96

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of resilience to health and happiness…

 Mr. Rajan’s story in the previous column was not just about hope, it was also about resilience – the capacity to thrive despite adversity, to bounce back from setbacks, from trauma and tragedy and being able to live at even greater levels of wellbeing and satisfaction than before, that is, to flourish.

Resilient people, like the proverbial phoenix, are able to rise up literally from the ashes of their destructive or painful experience and thrive again.

The remarkable way the Hiroshima and Nagasaki is restored and built up from the ashes of nuclear devastation by the survivors is a historical example of resilience.

So also, is the remarkable story of Steve Jobs, an icon in the IT industry, co-founder of Apple, the creative genius behind the iMac, iPod, iPhone, and the iPad. But many may not know that he was dismissed from the company which he had co-founded. The experience did not break him, rather it forced him to reinvent himself. He would later say that this was the best thing that happened to him. It forced him to start again from scratch and scale new heights.

Soon after, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which doctors thought inoperable. He fought against the disease and survived for few years more, and went on to become one of the world’s most admired creative geniuses.

Steve Jobs did not allow setbacks to dishearten him, rather he used them as stepping stones to climb greater heights. He was truly resilient.

RESILIENCE IS NOT JUST RECOVERY

Resilience is not just about rising from the ashes. It is also about the capacity to maintain high levels of resistance to stressful events. According to psychologist George Bonanno, an expert in the field, resilience enables us to endure upheavals remarkably well, with no apparent disruption in our ability to function and to move on to new challenges with apparent ease.

In contrast to recovery which connotes a breakdown in normal functioning following trauma or loss, leading to high levels of distress or even psychopathology and then gradually returning to pre-event levels, resilience, Bonanno observes, reflects the ability to maintain a stable equilibrium in the face of adversity.

When we are resilient, even when we experience a potentially highly disruptive event, we are able to maintain relatively stable, healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning. We show resilience through our capacity to respond flexibly and adaptively to adverse situations.

As resilient persons we are not broken by suffering; rather, we experience difficulties and obstacles as opportunities to grow. We not only bounce back from setbacks, we also grow and develop through these experiences just as Steve Jobs and many great artists, were able to do.

CONTRIBUTORS TO RESILIENCE

 What leads to resilience?

 Psychologists have identified certain areas of competence that lay the foundation for resilience. Among these are: secure attachments; interpersonal competence including ability to recruit help; cognitive competence to plan and organize; emotional competencies especially capacity to regulate emotions, delay gratification, and maintain high levels of hope, optimism and self-esteem; grateful living, and having meaning and purpose in life.

According to some psychologists having meaning and purpose in life is the core competency that contributes to resilience. As Nietzsche is said to have observed, “If you have a WHY to live for, you can live any HOW.” That is, if we have a meaningful purpose in life, we can face and triumph over any adversity.

Viktor Frankl used Nietzsche’s words as inspiration to survive the horrors of the Auschwitz concentration camp. He kept constantly before him a reason to get out of the camp alive – to re-join with his wife. As a result, he alone of his batch of inmates survived.

Faith and attendance at religious services have been found to foster resilience. The world views provided by faith contribute to purposefulness and meaningfulness, offer support in difficult times, and the strength to triumph over adversity.

As Robert Emmons, a psychologist who researches the impact of religion and spirituality on wellbeing has observed, “Religion and spirituality can provide a unifying philosophy of life and serve as an integrating and stabilising force in the face of constant environmental and cultural pressures that push for fragmentation.”

MENTORS AND ROLE MODELS

Every research that has explored the variables that have contributed to resilience, especially to flourishing after a dysfunctional childhood, has found one common variable that contributed to a positive outcome. This was the presence of an empathic other, usually a loving aunt or uncle or a dedicated and sensitive teacher, who became a mentor and a role model and whose care and support made up for deficiencies and enabled the individual to find meaning and purpose in life and triumph over tragedy.

One sensitive and caring individual can make a profound difference in the life of another, no matter how dismal or dysfunctional his or her life experiences might have been. Each of us can become that empathic other and transform lives.

Here are a few questions for you to ponder over:

 How resilient are you?

·         How do you generally handle adversities?

·         Have you been able to thrive after some tragedy? If yes, what helped you?

·         Can you recall an empathic other who has touched my life profoundly?

Joseph, the son of the Biblical patriarch Jacob was remarkably resilient. He was not broken by suffering and misfortune. His jealous brothers wanted to kill him and threw him into a well. He survived. Later he was falsely accused and thrown into prison. Yet, he became the powerful ruler of Egypt, next in power only to the Pharaoh.  Joseph trusted in God and believed he would help him survive and thrive. That God in whom Joseph trusted is with you here and now, genuinely interested in your wellbeing, looking at you with love and compassion. What would you like to tell this God about your own trials and tribulations?

 Have a blessed weekend. Be well. Be safe.

 Thank you for listening/reading.

Picture: Courtesy Google Images

 

Jose Parappully SDB, PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

 

 

Psyche & Soul 14 LIVING GRATEFULLY

Podcast link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-14-Psyche--Soul---the-contribution-of-gratitude-to-health-and-happiness-35-ekg5n9

Hello, this is Jose Parappully, Salesian priest and clinical psychologist at Sumedha Centre for Psychospritual Wellbeing at Jeolikote, Uttarakhand, with another edition of Psyche & Soul.

This weekend we shall reflect on the contribution of gratitude to health and happiness

Emotionally healthy persons have genuine appreciation for life and its blessings. They experience spontaneous joy and deep satisfaction in living. They are sensitive to the wonderful things happening in them and around them—the daily miracles of life. While recognising the limitations that life imposes on them, and despite the troubles and tragedies they experience, they are able to see and appreciate the blessings in their life. They live gratefully.

Emotionally healthy persons are able to experience this gratitude even in the midst of tragedy. This is beautifully exampled in a research on parents whose son or daughter had been murdered and who had experienced a positive transformation in their lives through their tragic loss.  The research question was: What are the processes and resources that enabled these parents to turn the tragedy – the murder of their son or daughter -- into a gift, to turn their trauma into a positive source for growth and transformation?

 A surprising finding was that one of the resources that enabled each of the participants to grow out of their pain, and experience a positive personal transformation was thankfulness. We might wonder what is there to be thankful for when someone has murdered one’s son or daughter. Yet each one of the participants had so many things for which they were grateful.

Among these participants the one who could have turned out to be most bitter and resentful was Julia (name changed). Yet, she was according to the researcher, the most grateful of all the participants. Julia’s only children - twin daughters -, ten years old, were murdered together one night, supposedly by her estranged husband. Despite this awful tragedy Julia found much in her life for which was thankful. That thankful attitude had enabled her to overcome her trauma and grow through her pain and loss. This is how she expressed her gratitude:

“I am so fortunate . . . it just amazes me, you know. . . .  I am so fortunate. . . . I could not have had them – (my girls). What they brought into my life is so wonderful and precious, that I really am blessed…. And I am lucky to have those memories now. They are still in my life. Those bullets didn’t take those away. . . . And I have tons of gifts in my life. You know, in the balance of my life, yeah, there is a lot of tragedy, but look at the happiness I’ve got, look at the neat things there are in my life.”

Julia finds so much to be grateful for in life, despite the tragedy that struck her.

 What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is much more than saying “thank you” to someone who has given us a gift or helped us in some way, or to God for a blessing received. Gratitude, as defined in psychology, is —“the capacity to feel the emotion of thankfulness on a regular and consistent basis, across situations and over time.” In other words, gratitude is a disposition that accompanies us through good times and bad; when things go well and things go wrong, through success and failure.

 The Power of Gratitude

Psychological and medical research has found that gratitude is a virtue that has enormous consequences for physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. For example, it has been found that grateful persons fall less often sick, and even when they fall sick, they recover much faster than ungrateful persons. And more important, grateful persons live significantly longer lives than the ungrateful persons.   The major reason for the health benefits of gratitude, research tells us, is that gratitude is the disposition that most creates positive emotions in us. These positive emotions, in turn, strengthen our immune system and help us to ward of disease. They increase our resilience.

 It is good for us to keep in mind these physical health benefits of gratitude during these Corona times.

The spiritual power of gratitude can be gaged from the saying attributed to the great fourteenth century Dominican mystic Meister Eckhart who said: “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Awe and Wonder

There are so many wonderful things, daily miracles happening around us, happenings that need to awaken in us what Albert Einstein described as a “sense of awe and wonder.” But too often we consider these as too mundane. Einstein wrote: “There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.”

Even during these days of vovid-19 with its hassles and restrictions, there are wonderful things happening around us. Do we notice them? Do we express thanks for them?

What are the daily miracle that you see around you and which evoke awe and wonder in you?...

You could complete the following open ended statement in different ways: “I am thankful today for….” Try making a list. Then spend a few minutes expressing gratitude to God.

One helpful means to cultivate gratitude is the daily practice of the Examen of Consciousness. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to sit quietly and allow memories of the good things – the little miracles - that have happened during the day to come into awareness and let your heart fill with thankfulness. When you do this Examen regularly you will gradually become more and more sensitive to these daily miracles and live more gratefully. Keeping a daily Gratitude Journal in which you list the gifts and blessings of the day and describe your feelings about them is another helpful practice for cultivating gratitude.

Jesus sets us wonderful example of gratitude. In his prayer he often expresses gratitude to his Father - for listening to his prayer, for revealing his message to little ones. He expresses awe and wonder – at his Father’s care for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field…. What is it you can learn from him about gratitude? …  You could spend few moments with him asking him to show you more of the “daily miracles” in your life and allow gratitude to take hold of you and fill your heart with a sense of awe and wonder…. Mary of Nazareth expresses her gratitude in her beautiful Magnificat. May be like her you too could sing your own Magnificat, expressing thanks for the great things God has done for you and continues to do.

Have a pleasant weekend in which you can take time to notice more of the daily miracles and have opportunity to stand in awe and wonder.

Be well. Be blessed.

Thank you for listening/reading

Pictures: courtesy Google Images

Jose Parappully PhD

sumedhacentre@gmail.com

Psyche & Soul 9 - LIVING WITH MEANING AND PURPOSE

 Podcast Link:

https://anchor.fm/boscom/episodes/2-9-Psyche--Soul---LIVING-WITH-MEANING-AND-PURPOSE-25-eip7u8

“I don’t find any meaning in my life. I wonder why I am living like this. Just dragging myself on from day to day. Sometime I wish I were dead” so said the 28-year old Sunita during a personal meeting with me at a seminar.

Sunita is not the only one who feels this way. There are many like her who find it difficult to experience a sense of meaning and purpose in life. Quite a few of these persons gradually sink into clinical depression and sometimes think of ending their life and even attempt to do so. This is very much true during these days of the Covid-19 lockdown, when things that gave meaning to one’s life may no longer be available.

 

Recent research on health and happiness show that a sense of meaning in life is one of the major contributors to emotional and physical wellbeing. Emotionally healthy persons find life a meaningful adventure. They have something that gives meaning and significance to their life, such as an ideology, a dream, a commitment. According to the pioneering personality psychologist, Gordon Allport, “one of the key challenges to maturity is to invest daily life with meaning—to find or create opportunities to make our lives matter”

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist who has researched happiness and wellbeing for over 25 years observes in her book “The How of Happiness” that having goals in and of themselves is strongly associated with health and happiness. Persons working toward a personally significant goal are far happier than those who do not have such dreams or aspirations. Having goals gives us a feeling of control over our lives and bolsters our self-esteem. It directly influences our physical and mental health. 

When we do not find purpose and meaningfulness, we become vulnerable to the onslaughts of ill-health, both physical and mental. However, when we have these, we can triumph over any tragedy. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the horrors of the concentration camp at Auschwitz, has built up a whole philosophy around meaningfulness. What helped him to escape alive from Auschwitz, while almost all of his fellow inmates perished, was a dream he cherished: his determination to be with his wife again. While the others lost hope, his dream sustained him and enabled him to survive. A central message in his later writings is a quote from Nietzsche” “If you have a WHY to live for, you can live any HOW.” In other words, if we have meaning and purpose, something to live for, then we will face and triumph over any adversity. As the popular song “The Impossible Dream” from the musical “Man of La Mancha” says it: we can “march through hell for a heavenly cause.”  

Trauma and tragedy are part of the human condition. Those who have something to live for will find it much easier to triumph over these. They will be able not only to makes sense of these, but also create something beautiful out of them. Great artists were able to triumph over the tragedies that befell them, because their passion for their art sustained them. These artists have created some of their most appreciated masterpieces in the midst of great suffering. There is, for example, great poignancy and sensitivity in Beethoven’s String Quartets composed during the years of intense pain and anguish.

One research on bereaved parents found that one of the processes that helped parents whose children were murdered to heal from their trauma was making sense of the tragedy that had befallen them. Creating meaning out of the tragedy was for them a transformational experience. Many of these parents would go on to set up foundations in memory of their loved ones that would benefit a large number of parents who have lost a son or daughter, as well as society at large. This reaching out was one way they were able restore meaning and purpose that had been destroyed by the tragic event.

According to personality psychologist Dan McAdams, two dynamics contribute significantly to finding meaning and purpose, especially after misfortune: a) transform or redeem bad events into good outcomes, and (b) set goals for the future that benefit society.

Reaching out to others, making others’ lives significant is one of the major ways that we can bring meaningfulness into our own lives. This is something that we can do even during these days of the Covid lockdown.

We could now take a few moments to ask ourselves: What gives meaning and purpose to my life? ….. If I am experiencing meaninglessness at this time, what is it I can do to create meaning and purpose?

There is a scene in the Gospel of John at the very beginning of Jesus’ public ministry where two disciples of John the Baptist are walking behind Jesus. After a while, Jesus turns back toward them and asks them: “What do you want?” That is a question that each of us needs to answer from time to time. We could now imagine that scene, place ourselves in the place of the disciples and tell Jesus what we are looking for. We could listen to what he tells us in response and spend a few minutes in his company.

 …… Have a pleasant weekend. Be well. Be safe. Be blessed.

Jose Parappully PhD

Pictures: Courtesy Google Images

SUMEDHA SADHANA: “A Life Changing Experience.”

The 9-week (June 1- August 2) Sumedha Sadhana – A Psychospiritual Wholeness Journey – concluded yesterday at Sumedha Centre.

All the participants were immensely satisfied with the programme, some describing it as “life changing experience.” 

On a Usefulness Scale of 1-10, one meaning “very little useful” and 10 “Immensely Useful,” one participant gave a score of 9, while all the others gave a perfect 10.

There were five different modules in this Sadhana. Psychological Dynamics on the Spiritual Journey (by Dr. Jose Parappuly PhD), Psychosexual and Celibate Integration (Dr. Joe Mannath PhD), Women’s and Feminist Spiritualities (Dr. Shalini Mulackal PhD), Group Therapy (Dr. Alex Clement Joseph, PhD), and Spiritual Retreat (Dr. Jose Parappully PhD).

What the participants found most useful were the group therapy and the spiritual retreat.

Some participants’ comments:

“Sumedha Sadhana was a gift of God for me. An opportunity to expand my heart. Plenty to chew on. The retreat helped me to change my life.”

“The spiritual retreat as a desert experience was too good!... I go back with the feeling life can be good again. “

“I came to Sumedha very sad, very lost. The programme helped me a lot. Gained greater self-awareness through group therapy. I feel free from my burdens. See future as bright.”

“It helped me understand my life. The calm and peaceful atmosphere was very helpful for reflection and prayer. All the programme, modules, process, facilitators were all extremely effective and helpful.”

“Being at Sumedha was a privileged time. I got what I wanted. Able to let go and be healed. I feel very free and very happy.”

“I came here with a bundle of worry and sadness. Sumedha helped me get rid of them. I feel happy.  The facilitators were experts in exploring their topics. The food, services, and facilities were all very good. I felt very much at home and free here”

“The programme touched my heart. It made me alive again. I felt very free and happy here. I regained the love I had for my vocation."

The programme was very experiential. Besides the rich input provided the participants, there was ample time to reflect on life experiences, share them with one another, and integrate them into the daily creative liturgies. Music, movies and dance enriched the process. Outings, picnic and the weekly fun-times helped to create a relaxing atmosphere.

The next 9-week programme begins on October 1. Before that a shorter (4-week) Sumedha Mini begins on August 6. Registrations are open.

34th Sumedha Sadhana - A Psychospiritual Wholeness Journey - Concludes

The 34^th edition of Sumedha Sadhana (A Psychospiritual Wholeness Journey) concluded at Sumedha Centre, Jeolikote today (May 14,2017). There were 15 participants (11 women and 4 men) from eight Indian States and one from Thailand. This 9-week residential programme began on March 13.

Sumedha Sadhana is an inner journey in quest of greater healing and wholeness. Participants begin from where they are, looking at what is happening on their spiritual journey. They then move on to explore the psychological dynamics that affect their spirituality and integrate them in healthier ways to create more satisfying life patterns and make their ministry/professional work more fulfilling and fruitful.

There were 6 major modules in this edition of Sumedha Sadhana: Psychological Dynamics on the Spiritual journey (by Dr. Jose Parappully), Jungian Perspectives on Personality and Spirituality (by Dr. Ajoy Fernandes), Feminist and Women’s Spiritualities (by Dr. Shalini Mulackal), Yoga and Cosmic Spirituality (by Alba Rodrigues), Group Therapy (by Dr. Edison Fernandes & Dr. Jose Parappully) and Integration Retreat (by Dr. Jose Parappully).

Participants expressed great satisfaction at the quality and usefulness of the programme. Some comments:

“The programme as a whole, and the module facilitators were excellent. Happy and satisfied with everything.”

“A beautiful blend of psychology and spirituality. Well planned, well-organized and well-executed.”

“I had come here confused, disappointed. Sumedha has given me a real push to go ahead with enthusiasm.”

 “Received to the full what I needed and wanted.”

“A deep experience of God was the highlight of my stay at Sumedha.”

“I was challenged to make a real change.”

“What is most memorable is the experience of forgiveness and reconciliation I was able to extend to someone.”

“I came here quite frustrated. I gained hope and courage. The programme deepened my spirituality. I return enriched.”

 “I found a way back to God, to the centrality of Christ in my life.”

“Every bit of the programme helped me. It was a journey from brokenness to wholeness.”

“Sumedha brought a radical change in my lifestyle. I go back with a better image of myself.”

“I gained a more positive attitude toward life.”

“I go back with a renewed focus on Jesus of Nazareth.”

 “Every event had a meaning for my life. I go back renewed, with fresh energy.”

“The programme as a whole and the calm and beautiful surroundings helped me realize ‘Life is beautiful.”

“Welcome and hospitality was excellent. Food was nourishing and delicious. Very satisfied. Staff very kind and helpful, service with a smile”

The programme was very experiential, following a 4-fold methodology of Input, Introspection, Interaction and intercession. 

There was enough time for personal reflection, meditation and prayer. Friday evenings and Saturday mornings were spent in quiet reflection, giving time for all that had been churned up during the week to settle down and integrate.

Creative liturgies integrated the days experiences and helped to deepen them.

There was also time for relaxation- recreation, movies, picnic and outings. Saturday afternoons and whole of Sunday were left free for participants to organize their time the way they liked.

Somatic meditation and/or yoga in the mornings contributed to psycho-biological well-being.

The next Sumedha Sadhana is from June 1 to August 2, 2017. Registration is open. Contact sumedhacentre@gmail.com